“When I pass from this lifetime I wish that my life be measured by my connection with my fellow human beings: this to be above other worldly successes, achievements and accumulations.”

“It is my wish that my inner world is aligned with my soul’s highest good and all with whom I relate. I then trust that my outer world will look after itself.”

“We have more in common with each of our fellow human beings that connect us, than differences that divide us.”

With the above three pieces in mind I would like to share my take on working with challenging people, especially those who trigger negative emotions in you, and how to overcome these to then become healthier mentally and emotionally. This will then be reflected in your physical being.

The first thing is to become acutely aware of every judgemental thought you have about yourself and about others. Each negative thought is a ‘disconnect’, a disconnect from your higher self and from the person that you are judging; that part of them that is just like you – seeking happiness and fulfilment and trying to avoid pain and suffering; to love and be loved. Begin with thoughts about others, every person you have a thought about that is negative – friend, family, work colleague or stranger.

I’ll give you an example of a real-life situation that I recently experienced. There is a guy that comes into the gym who has no consideration for any other people. He is gruff and loud, he throws the equipment around, snorts and spits, and generally offends everyone in the vicinity. He is a big lad who likes to flex and pose, which can be quite intimidating especially to the women in the gym. My first reaction to him was to have him spoken to by management and that if he didn’t change, to have him banned. But then I took a step back and reminded myself, that, “This is a man in pain. I don’t know why he acts like this, I will make no attempt to psychologise why he does what he does. I will focus on what I can do in this present moment.”

I began to engage him such as asking how is new business was going and also asking him about his training. I did this not superficially but being truly interested in him, to truly connect with him as a person; to see that all his behaviour was just external stuff, not the true ‘him’. At the same time that I was speaking to him I was conscious of the following:

1. “It is my will to truly connect to you as good and caring man. This is your true nature and I will encourage this in you. I will do this knowing that I too am a fallible man. Thus I do so without judgement.”
2. All of my thoughts and feelings were focused on truly appreciating all of who is. Instead of
focusing on all that was offensive it was my will to focus on his heart and his soul, who he is truly as a human being.

Then the MAGIC started to happen.

His demeanour began to change. He began to soften. The noisy gruff behaviour began to disap-pear. I have also encouraged my clients and other members who have complained about him to me, to do the same; to take up this challenge. Which in essence is actually helping to heal him of the pain for which he is suffering, which I’m sure this man is not even conscious of. Those who were reticent to do this I reminded them that the greatest charity is to give a person a gift without them knowing the givers identity. To know that we have all done things, knowingly or unknowingly, that have harmed another and that we all would like to be treated with this sort of understanding and kindness, not to be told we are wrong.

This way of relating to a person can be done for anyone. Observe what happens to your inner
dialogue when you relate to people in this way. Such as when you’re running late and someone cuts you off in traffic. Your first reaction can be one of anger and frustration and then to hurl abuse either verbally or in your thoughts to this person. Instead to say to yourself, “I’m not perfect, I’m sure I’ve made mistakes when I’ve been driving.” Then to go even higher than that to have
compassion for this person. He may have just found out some terrible news – ‘I’ve just lost my job!”, or maybe one of his children is gravely ill. Then to wish the person well and that whatever pain he is feeling, that he gets what he needs to relieve his suffering. In this way you are truly
connecting.

So the key here is to remind yourself that for whatever reason that this person is displaying this behaviour, that deep down they are suffering, they are displaying symptoms of some form of pain.

Then watch what happens to your own inner world; your thoughts and your feelings. Watch the magic that begins to happen in your own inner being. You will feel a wave of Light wash over you when you act from your Higher Self, from your soul which, too, has known pain and suffering. When you start to do this on a regular basis you will be amazed at how the world becomes a
reflection of what you are doing and that which seemed impossible, especially with certain people that maybe you thought would beyond help, begin to come around. The greatest challenges can be the ones with whom we’re closest, especially family.

By doing this deliberately and consciously it will start to become an automatic and natural way of being. Also an interesting thing is when you do this for others you’ll start to do the same for
yourself. The self-deprecating, self-critical thoughts feelings and actions will begin to disappear out of your life. In doing this you will be connecting both with the deepest part of your soul and your higher self, and you’ll be encouraging others to do the same without them even knowing it.

Truly connecting with others is what gives us happiness, fulfilment, and joy. If you have a look at the most wonderful memories of your life they will all be the ones that you shared with others. And this concept of connectedness is what is helping humanity to evolve to higher place. That even with the darkness that the befalls us at times, such as we’ve seen with the recent terrorist attacks in France and Lebanon, that evil will not divide us, but instead it brings us closer together and thus we relate from the space not of fear, but love.

When you’re inner world is aligned to the highest part of your being, then your behaviours will
begin to change. You will be less likely to to do do things that harm your body, you will do more things that nourish your body with food and exercise that is right for you. Also each thought, feeling and action aligned with a will to connect heals your being, your body, and brings Light and
goodness to the planet.

“When your body is all Light, no healing from the outside is needed.”